The Three Billy Goats Gruff
Retold by Judith Lawrenson
“Who goes there, I will eat you up, Get off my bridge,” and a lot of other stuff like that he yelled in a voice with a funny, flat kind of an accent. Well Angelo was a pretty sharp guy even though he was the smallest Billy Goat and he was not about to argue with the troll. It was all part of the plan, remember?
“Oh, dear,” he cried in a pretend whiney little voice. “You don’t want to eat me up, I am little and not tasty at all. Wait a minute and you can eat my middle brother Ted Billy Goat who is much fatter than me and he also is not quite as smart as I am.”
“Oh, really, I might just do that. You go ahead across and I will wait for Ted. Are you sure he will be better?”
“Yes, I promise,” said Angelo with a crocked little smile. “In fact, just pretend I have never been here and jump out and surprise him. He grew up on a farm so he is very easy to surprise.”
Well, Young Tom Troll did just that. When Ted Billy Goat came up on to the bridge, he jumped out and yelled at the top of his troll voice expecting Ted to fall into the water and become instant troll lunch. But of course you know that Ted knew exactly what was going to happen, don’t you?
“Oh, you don’t want to eat me, I am not really the best you know. I travel a lot and I catch everything from the flu to athlete’s foot and plane brain drain. My big brother Big Billy Goat Bill is right behind me and he is the biggest of all. What a lunch he would make! Let me go on, and he is all yours.” It seems that Ted was trying to get away himself, but again, boys and girls, we all know better, don’t we?
Well, Young Tom Troll, by this time of the afternoon, was starving and the thought of a very large tender Billy Goat was just about all he could stand. He let Ted go and slipped down in the water under the bridge to wait for Big Billy Goat Bill.
So, do you know the end of this story? Can you guess?
Okay, I will tell you. It has a very happy ending for everyone except Young Tom Troll and so it should be. Just because he was protecting his old Golf Club Course does not mean he can just go around eating up Billy Goats whenever he feels like it.
So, anyway, here comes Big Billy Goat Bill up to the bridge and Young Tom Troll jumps up out of the water and gives his biggest yell ever and leaps toward him.
What a shock! Big Billy Goat Bill is twice his size and really in a high state. He runs toward Young tom Troll, puts his head down and knocks him clear into next week. The Three Billy Goats Gruff then take up residence on the lovely Golf Course, eat all of the grass, sleep in the warm sand pits, drink lagoon water, and generally have a lovely life.
Sorry, but that is not the end. All Fairy Tales have a moral and this one is no exception. The moral of this story is if you ever do get a chance to play golf on the lovely Golf Club Course, watch out for Billy Goat poo poo. It really does not look anything like a golf ball, but not everyone knows that!